Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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