Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
