So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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