Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
