you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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