i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
