On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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