Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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