I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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