we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
