End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
