Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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