I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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