i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
