Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
