Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My life is pants optional.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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