i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Randomize
