There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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