Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
