I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She said her name was "party"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
