please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
