READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
