if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
