Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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