Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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