Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
