Pappa wants mamma naked
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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