You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
