Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Let's paint friendship bongs
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
