is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
