I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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