Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
