worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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