Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
His nipple licking is glorious
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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