my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
