hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
