is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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