I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
