I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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