I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
