is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
