You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
