ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
