im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
