And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
