Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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