dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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