Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
