Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
