my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
