my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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