The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
