are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
is that a dick in a sweater?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
