I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
