Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
