If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
