I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
