Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
