wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
