ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
