you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
