Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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